THE MINISTRY OF SELF-LOVE

A woman talking to herself with Love

It has pleased the Spirit to gather us here today to discuss a topic that pastors, motivational speakers, and thinkers have addressed for centuries: loving yourself. As Christians, we know this phenomenon is rooted in one of the Bible’s greatest commandments, which instructs us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves (Mark 12:31). However, what inspires this discussion is the reality that we often live in direct opposition to what God commands us to do.

For example, Jesus taught us to love our enemies, bless those who curse us, and pray for those who persecute us (Matthew 5:44). Instead, we often hate our enemies, curse those who persecute us, and reserve our love only for those we think deserve it. Scripture says, "Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing" (1 Peter 3:9). Yet, our natural inclination is to seek revenge rather than good, and we often only do good to those who do good to us.

In the same way, we find it difficult to love our neighbors—not necessarily because we lack the desire to love them, but because we do not truly love ourselves. Trust me, many of us harbor a quiet hatred toward ourselves. The environment around us does not make this any easier. Rising socio-economic challenges across the world continuously make it difficult for us to love ourselves and, by extension, our neighbors. It often feels as though Satan has deliberately designed the world’s systems and conditions to make it easier to break God’s commandments than to follow them and inherit His promises.

You might say, "Well, I love myself; I do this and that for myself." I will not argue with you, but I am here to tell you that the heart of love is the heart of service. If you claim to love yourself, we must talk about how you serve yourself. Let us evaluate how you make yourself better today than you were yesterday.

How do you talk to yourself?

Do you monitor the quality of the conversations you have with yourself? When things do not go as planned, how do you speak to your own heart? Are you one of your own worst critics, or do you give yourself grace?.God expects us to take care of our bodies. Ephesians 5:29 says, "After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church." Is this true regarding how you treat your body? Do you serve yourself with the right food and care? Do you love the way you look, recognizing it as God’s handiwork?Can you speak to yourself like David when he said, "I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made" (Psalm 139:14)? Can you say the same about your life? 

How do you serve yourself in your relationships or family?

Is your goal to meet your own expectations, or is it to serve yourself by growing into the right person for the other person? I have seen families end in divorce because they were fixated on their failed individual expectations of one another. Instead of focusing on serving themselves to become better partners, the focus was on what their partners could do for them. Relationships collapse when we stop serving the relationship and start demanding service from the other person.

What about intimacy?

Are you truly satisfied? Do you clearly communicate with your partner about your needs? Have you served yourself with sexual discipline? Jesus did not just give us the Spirit of love; He gave us the Spirit of power, love, and self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). Many of us desire to live longer, yet we lack the discipline to do so. Sexual discipline is not just a moral obligation; it preserves your relationship or marriage and contributes to a healthier, longer life. You must instill discipline within yourself if your desire is to truly love your partner well.

Let us talk about personal development.

Are you growing both psychologically and intellectually? The Bible speaks of renewing our minds: "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind" (Romans 12:2). If we do not renew our minds, we risk becoming obsolete in our sphere of influence, whether in marriage, the workplace, or general communication. What is the level of your education right now? How do you rate your knowledge of common life matters, such as politics or the world in general? You must serve yourself with knowledge. Participate in, understand, and be aware of what is happening around you. It is difficult to love others through effective service if you lack the knowledge or information required to sustain that moment of service.

What about finances?

Do you have knowledge in this area? One day, the people around you may need you to serve them with financial wisdom, advice, or experience. What will you tell them if you have not first served yourself with that knowledge, skill, or experience?

How do you manage time?

How do you organize your life to get the most from the time God has given us? Are you conscious of your own time? You cannot serve others with the discipline of time management if you have not first enforced that discipline in yourself. It must start with you.
How you serve yourself in love determines how you are going to love somebody else. You cannot be the light of the world or the salt of the earth if you have served yourself with darkness and lost the flavour. You must serve yourself with light first. This light comes from the truth found in God’s Word and His presence through the Holy Spirit. Only then can you be the light that pushes back darkness for others and the salt that makes others better through love demonstrated in true service.

Consider the nature of God.

Even God is full of love for Himself. Look at creation; He created it all for His glory (Isaiah 43:7). He served Himself with creation, and it is through this overflow of love that He served us by giving Jesus Christ, so that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life (John 3:16). Isn't that amazing? That is what it truly means to love yourself. Serving yourself first better equips you to serve others.

So, take some time today to sit and evaluate the level of service you are giving yourself every day. On a scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate this self-service? How does that affect the way you love others? If you answer these questions honestly with the help of the Spirit, you will find the connection between them. For example, if you find that you are bitter toward yourself, do not be surprised when your environment calls you a bitter person. Conversely, if you serve yourself with joy and grace, you will naturally pour that into the lives of your neighbors.

May God bless His Word in you, in Christ Jesus.